What Positivity Really Means
Have you ever shared your struggles, only to hear “Just stay positive?” Instead of feeling supported, you felt dismissed, as if your emotions were wrong. In today’s world, there’s a growing expectation to stay positive no matter what, as if any emotion other than happiness is a problem. But what if, instead of forcing positivity, we allowed ourselves to fully experience our emotions?
To me, suppressing difficult emotions while trying to stay happy isn’t real positivity, but it’s a harmful illusion. While optimism has value, ignoring sadness, fear, or frustration doesn’t make them disappear, it only buries them deeper, creating disconnection and preventing growth.
The Truth with Toxic Positivity
This mindset convinces us that happiness is the only acceptable emotion, leading people to dismiss or hide their true feelings. By avoiding discomfort, we also block personal growth. Growth comes not from avoiding struggles but from facing them.
“One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light,
but by making the darkness conscious.”
Carl Jung
Society encourages phrases like “stay positive” and “look on the bright side,” leaving little space for real emotional processing. While well-intended, these messages can make people feel unheard. Sadness, fear, and frustration aren’t obstacles to overcome, they’re signals guiding us toward healing and self-awareness.
Why Facing Difficult Emotions Matters
Suppressing emotions may seem like the easier choice, but they don’t stay hidden forever. Imagine a professional who constantly ignores their frustration at work, telling themselves to “just stay positive.” Over time, that buried frustration can manifest as sudden outbursts at colleagues, chronic stress, or even burnout. Instead of addressing the root cause, perhaps feeling undervalued or overworked, they push it aside until it affects their performance, relationships, and overall well-being. Recognising and processing emotions early can prevent them from surfacing in destructive ways.
Embracing Sadness Instead of Resisting It
In 2024, I faced emotional challenges that tested me deeply. When I opened up about my struggles, I often heard, “It could be worse.” Though well-meaning, these responses left me feeling dismissed. Why do we treat sadness as something to avoid? Instead of forcing positivity, I did what I encourage my clients to do: I stayed with my emotions, stayed open, and approached them with curiosity. Ironically, embracing sadness led to a deeper, more authentic gratitude, not the forced kind, but a real, grounded positivity, one that comes from appreciating small, meaningful moments of comfort and clarity.
Shifting Perspective: From “I Have To” to “I Need”
One powerful shift is moving from a sense of obligation “I have to be happy” to self-awareness “I need time to process”. This small shift helps us accept our emotions instead of resisting them.
Instead of resisting sadness, we can ask:
- “What is this feeling trying to tell me?”
- “Do I need rest, connection, or healing?”
By listening to our emotions, we develop self-awareness, emotional resilience, true inner strength and compassion for ourselves.
How to Support Others Without Dismissing Their Feelings
When someone is struggling, offering quick fixes can make them feel unheard. Instead of saying “It’s going to be ok” try: “I’m here for you. It’s okay to feel sad”
This small change fosters a more supportive and understanding environment for ourselves and others.
Conclusion: Trusting Your Own Emotional Journey
Embracing all emotions, both joyful and challenging, cultivates a more authentic and fulfilling life. True happiness isn’t about forcing positivity; it’s about allowing ourselves to feel, process, and grow. When we stop resisting our emotions and begin to listen to them, we uncover a deeper sense of peace, not through avoidance, but through self-acceptance.
Trust your journey, every emotion carries a valuable lesson.
